Let me start by asking you a very important question. When you wake up every day, what is the first thing that you think about? Do you immediately start with thoughts on how much you dread the day ahead? Or…. Do you open your eyes and think of all the good things in your life to be thankful for? You may think this an odd way to start a blog, but I assure you it has its purpose.
Every thought you have releases Neurotransmitters in the brain, which are chemical messengers. Those chemicals, in turn, release emotional hormones into the body. Therefore, the thoughts you have are REALLY IMPORTANT! When we think positive thoughts, our brain releases positive hormones such as endorphins and serotonin. The happy hormones. These hormones boost our immune system, fight stress, extend lifespans and improve overall health. When we think negative thoughts, we release chemicals such as adrenaline and cortisol, the stress hormones. These hormones can build up causing depression, hypertension, and a lot of health problems most people don’t even realize.
My love of understanding the brain and how it affects our body is one reason I became a Certified Crisis Intervention Specialist. The second reason is because I love to help others. However, little did I know that fast forwarding to 2020, the number one person who would benefit from my training and research…… would be me.
2020. I call this the year of the “Three C’s”. COVID. Chaos……… and Cancer. This was the year I heard the dreaded words, “You have breast cancer”. As if it’s not enough to be diagnosed with cancer, I had to experience cancer during a world pandemic, riots and local forest fires. I was told by doctors that cancer treatments would take one year of my life. I refused to accept that. It’s my life and I was determined cancer would not take it from me. Knowing how the brain affects hormones and health, I decided immediately I could be a victim, or fight for the life that was rightfully mine. I have the power to dictate how my body reacts, how “I” mentally react. I decided I wanted to be a fighter.
I remember my first appointment with Dr. Christine Kollmorgen and the OSW team. First off, let me tell you a little about Christine Kollmorgen. She is friendly, to the point, matter of fact and doesn’t hold anything back. The best part is, she is an amazing surgeon. At my first appointment I was advised there are several types of breast cancers; “Estrogen/Progesterone”, which I believe is the most common. “Her2” and “Triple Negative”. I found out that day that I had “Triple Negative” breast cancer.
With some breast cancers hormone medication is an option. Many women don’t even lose their hair. Going into the appointment with Dr. Kollmorgen I was praying this was the case. My entire life I was known as “the girl with the hair”. I had long, thick hair down to my waist. Everywhere I went I was always paid complements. My hair was my identity. I dreaded losing my hair more than I dreaded the chance of surgery. However, on that day not only would I have to decide on whether to do a single or double mastectomy but was informed because my type of cancer was one of the rarest and more aggressive breast cancers, my only treatment option was chemotherapy. I would lose all my hair. My hair would no longer be my identity.
Imagine trying to make life altering decisions while people all over the world were fighting over toilet paper. Knowing I had the most aggressive form of breast cancer, I personally didn’t want to chance reoccurrence. The decision was made to do a double mastectomy with full reconstruction. I discovered
Dr. Kollmorgen worked with one of the best plastic surgeons in town, Dr. Mark Jewell. I would start my Cancer treatment with the double mastectomy and first half of reconstruction, followed by 16 chemotherapy sessions and ending with the final reconstruction. The decisions were made. Things moved fast. Within one month of being diagnosed I was on the operating table. My life would never be the same.
Knowing I would lose my hair, I decided to go on Pinterest and research short hairstyles. There were styles I always thought were cute, but never had the guts to try. I decided to do progression haircuts. Slowly cutting my hair in different styles to prepare for going bald. I highly recommend doing this. Believe it or not, it turns out a “Bob” haircut looks great on me. This is the style I am working towards now that my hair is growing back. The day I shaved my hair I wanted to make it a positive experience. My 6-year-old grandson was having a hard time understanding what I was going through, so I recruited him to shave my head. Close friends and family were invited over so I would be surrounded by love when I faced this very difficult moment. We had a head shaving party. If you must lose your hair…… find a way to make it as positive as you can. Remember, you may not have control over the treatment and side effects, but you do have control over how you deal with it.
I made the decision to have the double mastectomy and full nipple sparing reconstruction. Make sure your mastectomy surgeon (Dr. Kollmorgen) and your reconstructive surgeon (in my case Dr. Mark Jewell) are on board from the start. When I made the decision to have the double mastectomy, I went online to see photos and I was mortified. Dr. Jewell took all those fears away in the first appointment. You really can come out of this looking normal! My doctors did a remarkable job and I can look in the mirror with confidence. It’s crazy how they can reconstruct your chest. Make sure you research this option.
Then there is the chemotherapy. This is the hardest part. I’m not going to fine tune it. IT SUCKS! But again…. you MUST go into this with a positive mind frame. Keep those positive hormones flowing through your body and try to stay active. I endured 16 chemotherapy sessions and hiked a mountain after all but one. The last one was hard because all of Oregon was on fire and the air quality was at “Hazardous”, which required me to cancel the last hike (pretty good excuse). During chemotherapy I never took any pain or nausea medications. Every time I saw my Oncologist, he said the same thing…. “Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it! It’s working”. My bloodwork remained at good levels and I never got sick. I’m not super woman. Don’t get me wrong. But I truly believe that the power of our mind can influence everything else in our body. I believe by staying positive and determined from the beginning influenced how my body reacted from the start. I believe eating healthy and staying active helped my body stay healthy during treatments and recover faster after my treatments. I can’t guarantee everyone will have the same results, but I can tell you this really worked for me.
During my cancer journey I joined various online social media groups specific to “Triple Negative Breast Cancer”. I strongly suggest you find a group with your specific type of cancer and join. It helps to talk and interact with others who are going through or have gone through what you are about to go through. Not only did I learn from these women but found myself counseling other women and building a pink sisterhood with some amazing women around the world.
I am just shy of one year since my last chemotherapy. I am now Cancer free. I remember when I was told “This will take one year of your life”. They were wrong. First off, the year went by fast. Second, the year was by no means fun. The surgeries, losing my hair and dealing with COVID and chaos around the world. I picked a really bad time to get cancer. I thought I would lose my identity when I lost my hair. But I didn’t. I had to become the strongest I’ve ever been. I had to dig deep and bring out the warrior in me to face the biggest battle of my life. And that warrior was called “Positivity”. I discovered my hair did not define me. My soul did. My hair is growing back. My chest is reconstructed. My health is back to normal and I’m as active as ever. I learned when you are stripped down on the outside…. your soul must shine through. This will not take one year of your life, because it will always be with you. There is not a day I don’t wake up grateful for the chance to live. That means remembering what could have been and what I went through to live. You never forget.
You WILL have bad days. Lots of them. I’m not saying you won’t. You must have the will to not let it consume you. The will to keep going. One of my Pink sisters, who I became amazing friends with during this journey, has a quote that I’m going to leave you with. When you have those bad days, “Don’t unpack and live there”. You can do this. It won’t be easy, but you do have the power to have control over it…… the power is in your mind.
-Janina Rager, Breast Cancer Survivor
*Quote by Ashley Knight, Breast Cancer Survivor